


Criminal Activity

by ohpoppycock



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - Criminals, Cancer, Crimes & Criminals, Crocker Corp, Drug Use, F/F, F/M, M/M, Makara family drug dealing, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Strider family drug dealing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-14
Updated: 2017-02-25
Packaged: 2018-09-24 13:03:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,837
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9728081
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ohpoppycock/pseuds/ohpoppycock
Summary: Nepeta and Gamzee took off. Karkat ran, watching as Gamzee threw himself over the boxes. He ran to the back seat of his car and threw his bags in, crawling into the frontseat and slamming the door.He saw Nepeta running out with a yelling Sollux behind her. Karkat could have sworn his heart stopped when he saw the officer pull his weapon out of it's holster.There was a split second before the loud popping noise that echoed throughout the warehouse where Nepeta turned to face him. She threw out her fist and it connected with his jaw with a sound much quieter than the gunshot. Then she was running again.Being a criminal is hard. It's hard, and no one understands.It gets harder when a flirtatious drug dealer, a rich girl, two ditzy cops, and a corrupt and very powerful company get thrown into the mix.





	1. Whoops.

His team never got into these situations.  
  
They were very organized. Big heists like this were rare and only happened when their next payments were due. The plan was followed to the point, and they never got caught.  
  
Sometimes, though, they would stay around longer than usual and fuck with the two cops who were assigned to their case. But they were careful, and always made sure the stolen items were being driven away in their second getaway car beforehand.

But now Karkat, Nepeta, and Gamzee were all stuck together behind some crates while said two cops called out to them.  
  
"We know you're in here, fuckerth." One of them called out. "We're in no ruthh, but the thooner you come out the better. Let'th not make thith any thittier than is hath to be." He sounded closer than acceptable, which made Nepeta visibly flinch.  
  
She pulled her mask up to reveal her face. "Karkat, what are we going to do?" She spoke low. Her usually happy face had dropped into an uncharacteristically terrified and anxious look, and Karkat didn't like that one bit.  
  
He wracked his brain for an answer to her question. He could see Gamee's eyes through the gap of his purple skull ski mask. Even he was panicked. "Fuck, I don't- I don't know!" He whispered. "Sollux has the main entrance covered and there's no doubt Terezi would hear us if we crawled into the vents... even then Nepeta is the only one who can fit into those small fuckers."  
  
"I can hear your voices and smell your fear," Terezi cackled. "All those times you messed with us is all coming back. Karma's a bitch, huh?" Karkat wanted to add 'the only bitch here is you, you ass' but he but his tounge.  
  
"Terezi, you aren't a goddamn dog. You can't thmell thit." Sollux quipped. Karkat looked over at Nepeta. Usually she'd be giggling at the two cop's arguments. However, the color had drained from her face and she was shaking. "And I can't hear anything. You're jutht crazy."  
  
Terezi sighed, annoyed. "It's a fear tactic, Captor. I actually do smell shit. It's your personality."  
  
While they were distracted, Karkat tried to think of a way out. He could throw one of the computer parts he had stolen somewhere, but Sollux was smart enough to track the noise and think of the possible places it could have come from. He was a clever bastard. While he and Karkat were roomates, he was sure Sollux would end up working for the government. He was scarily good with computers, too, so his team didn't have cell phones becasue he knew that little shit would find a way to track them. He once found Gamzee sneaking in a phone call and proceeded to smash it onto the ground.

You could say it was paranoia. But this was why his team never got caught.

Well, until now that is.  
  
He felt Nepeta's hand slip into his. She was warm, but shaking. "I could give myself up while you two ran," she suggested. "I would purrbably do better in purrison than you two."  
  
Karkat swore under his breath. The idea wasn't stupid, but the idea of Nepeta going away when she wasn't the worse of the three made him upset. "Fuck no. If anything I should be the maytyr of this story."  
  
"Bro, they're getting closer." Gamzee hissed. Karkat bit his lip. "If I were to run to the left of these motherfuckers and hurl myself over those crates, could you and Nepsis go over to the left and pass up Terez'?"  
  
Karkat though about it for a second. "They'd notice that it was only one set of footsteps. However, maybe if you and Nepeta both ran... and once you were over she quietly doubled-back and ran out the front, we could get out." Karkat jabbed a finger at him. "But that isn't going to happen. I won't let you get caught."  
  
Nepeta pulled her mask back on. "Karkat, there's no way out of this. One of us is going. You can't because of Kanaya." She pulled her hand away from his and rested it on Gamzee's shoulder. "Are you sure you're okay with this?"  
  
"Yeah, I motherfucking guess." He shrugged. "It's kinda perfect, if you think about it, bro." Gamzee focused his attention on Karkat. "My dad doesnt mess with the cops. It's better this way, motherfucker."  
  
"We'll get you out," Karkat pushed. "I promise."  
  
Nepeta and Gamzee shared a glance. "Well," she sighed sadly. "I guess it's now of nefur." Gamzee nodded his head. "On three, okay? One, two-"  
  
"Did you ever call backup?" Terezi asked, much louder this time.  
  
"We, uh, have no available backup" Sollux responded. "Tim'th got all the guyth called in. Thomething about thome chick being murdered. Didn't athk for detailth."  
  
"You didn't ask for the details?!" Terezi yelled. "Are you fucking-"  
  
"3!"  
  
Nepeta and Gamzee took off. Karkat ran, watching as Gamzee threw himself over the boxes. He watched as Terezi stopped blocking the doorway and bolted past her. He fished his keys out of his pocket and unlocked the car. He ran to the back seat of his car and threw his bags in, crawling into the frontseat and slamming the door.  
  
He saw Nepeta running out with a yelling Sollux behind her. Karkat could have sworn his heart stopped when he saw the officer pull his weapon out of it's holster.  
  
There was a split second before the loud popping noise that echoed throughout the warehouse where Nepeta turned to face him. She threw out her fist and it connected with his jaw with a sound much quieter than the gunshot. Then she was running again.  
  
The car door was pulled open and she threw herself in, landing painfully. He stepped on the gas as she shut the door. She chucked her mask into the back.  
  
"Oh my god." Nepeta breathed heavily, grabbing her side. "I just punched a cop in the face." She wore a smile that stretched from ear to ear. It faltered for a second.  
  
"What?" Karkat took his eyes away from the road and looked over to her. "Fuck, were you hit?"  
  
"Uhhh..." Her hands were wet and sticky with what she could only assume with blood. "J-just clipped." Karkat took a sharp left off of the route they were taking back to HQ. She wunced a her elbow hit the car door. "Where are you going?"  
  
"Strider's."  
  
"What? No, the fuzz is purrobably on our tail-" Another turn shot sparks up her spine.  
  
"Dirk can get rid of the car. Look, Strider owes us. Remeber Toronto?"  
  
Nepeta let out a shaky breath through her teeth. "How could I?" She laughed humorlessly. "Barely escaped those- what were their names, Ruffian and Tavran?"  
  
"Rufioh and Tavros. Anyway, those two freckled fucks need to pay back. We'll get you patched up, back to the base, and figure a way to get Gamzee back."  
  
Ther ride went silent, save for Nepeta panting and Karkat cursing under his breath. 


	2. Good Ol' Drugs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dave's a drug dealer. So is Bro. And Dirk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I dunno, I like the Strider family as drug dealers who happen to not be crackheads. Also, head-canon Dirk and Bro are alcoholics in recovery.
> 
> P.s: I DO NOT CONDONE THE SELLING OF DRUGS.

The drive wasn't that long. In retrospect, having two criminals living half an hour away from eachother can really say something about Alternia as a whole. The whole city was pretty much jam-packed with drug dealers, petty thieves, and there were a couple gangs.  
  
Most people lived in the sburbs. It was a huge lot of white houses all near eachother, all with the same layout. It made them easy to rob, but construction crews never thought about that. It was _build this, build that, finish this up and get paid._  By the woods that separated the city and the Canadian border was a few more prestigious houses. And then there was that nutjob who lived in the forest.  
  
However, most of the city was exactly that - city. The government spent more time securing the border and working on the sburbs that the city kinda went to shit.  
  
Of course there was the APD, which, compared to other police divisions, was doing well. There weren't many cops, but they managed to keep most of the gangs in control and not many people hated them. Only the people at the shipyards hated them, or more specifically, the APD's boss, Neophyte Pyrope. Though, most people called her Redglare for her signature glare. She is called the epitome of 'silent but deadly'.  
  
Most troublemakers lived in the slums of Alternia. And even though the Striders were wealthy, they were smart enough to keep it to themselves. A majority of the money they did make was sent somewhere else.  
  
Karkat turned into the driveway. It was an apartment complex, or what was left of it, anyway. Many people had moved out and the manager only stayed for it's two patrons still paying rent. But still, those assholes insisted on living on the top story.  
  
He opened his door and ran around the side to help Nepeta out. She had bled a lot, and he would have chastised her for not putting pressure on the wound like she had learned to do in the past if not for the threat of cops finding them. After grabbing the backpacks and slinging them over his shoulder, he hoisted her upwards with him and made his way towards the gate.  
  
The apartment required someone to open the gate for any outside guests. He pressed the button that read 'Smuppet Fucker'. "What's up?"  
  
"Collecting you dept for Toronto." Their was a sigh on the other line.  
  
"APD after you?"  
  
"Naturally." Karkat groaned. "Nepeta got hurt. Help us out." Another sigh from the other side of the line.  
  
"Bro, get their car outta here. Dirk, you go get the medical shit. . . Yeah, get that too. I'll go get the damsels in distress." It was muffled, but if they strained their ears, they could make out what they said. The buzzer made a long beeping sound, signaling the end of the call.  
  
"Hey, you okay?" Nepeta's voice bled with concern. He met her gaze and chuckled.  
  
"If anything I should be asking you that," Karkat said. "Where did it clip you?"  
  
Nepeta wiggled a little bit and then winced. "I think, uh, right above my hip. I should be fine in a week or so."  
  
Karkat raised an eyebrow. "A week? No fucking way that's going to heal in a goddamn week. Not unless god himself opens up the heavens and gives a holy blessing of 'You're healed, fucker'."  
  
Nepeta managed a small giggle. "Karkitty, it isn't even that deep. I'm just bleeding a little bit... we've suffered worse. Remember when I tried sparring with Equius when I was 13? That was bad."  
  
"God, don't even remind me." He rolled his eyes. "I heard you scream all the way from my room." Karkat paused. "Where's Strider? He should have been here by now."  
  
The sound of an engine starting almost made him piss himself. Somehow the eldest Strider brother, Brodrick or Bro for simplicity, had gotten outside and into the car without them noticing. Karkat patted his pocket to find the keys still there. Damn, he just stole that car. Now he would have to steal another one.  
  
Bro backed out of quickly, the tires making a louch screech as he speeded down Spade Street. He would probably drive it into the ocean or some shit. The Striders, while very good at what they do, went above and beyond. If you asked them to put a bit of sunscreen on your back, they would put the whole bottle on.  
  
The door opened. Dave put Nepeta's arm over his neck and wrapped an arm carefully afound her waist. "Let's get you up the stairs."  
  
Karkat wiped the blood off of his hands onto his jeans. The backpacks, he realized, weren't that heavy. He looked back to see only two of the three bags on his back and inwardly groaned. Either he left one in the car, and Bro would definitely take it, or that puppet-obsessed freak took it from his back without realizing. No matter what, the Strider's would make extra cash off of his work.  
  
He sighed and followed Dave and Nepeta up the stairs. These bastards lived on the third story, and the elevator was broken, so he had to suffer through three flights of stairs. It must've been worse for Dave, and more so for Nepeta, and all three were relieved when the door to the apartment was in sight.  
  
When they had first met, everyone except for Gamzee was confused. They had Broderick, the oldest Strider. He wore a hat, and had a weird habit of stripping down whenever there were guests. Nepeta never minded, and honestly, neither did Karkat. Gamzee always excused himself whenever it happened.  
  
Dirk looked to be about twenty-three and was Dave's twin. He had shades that were spiked like an anime character's and he was scarily good at rapping (unlike Dave) and robotics. His hair was caked with hairspray and mostly spent the majority of the time in his room or spending time with his boyfriend.  
  
Lastly, there was Dave. Karkat and Nepeta both agreed that all of the Striders were extremely attractive, Dave more so than the rest. He had freckles and was taller than Dirk, and had a beautiful singing voice. Him and Nepeta would sparr sometimes, and even once the blonde man tried to serenade her and Karkat with his guitar skills.  
  
None of them ever talked about parents, though they had half siblings. One was a bartender and the other was a scarily good therapist. Karkat could understand not wanting to talk about family. His wasn't exactly the best family in Alternia.  
  
They got Nepeta situated on the couch, and Dave grabbed Karkat by the arm while Dirk went to work on her wound. "Karkat, please, for the love of God, tell me you and Nepeta weren't apart of that warehouse heist tonight." When the shorter just gave a nervous chuckle, Dave cursed under his breath. "Fuck. It's all over the news."  
  
"If you want us to go, I understand." Karkat rubbed the back of his neck. "We lost Gamzee and I don't know how to do anything medical. We- we're in a pretty fucked up situation."  
  
"Yeah, no shit." Dave sighed. "No, no its fine. You guys can lay low here for a couple days. But if the APD shows up-"  
  
"-we give ourselves up and say we forced you to help us. I know the drill." Karkat but bit his lip and Dave frowned at him. After a minute of silence, Karkat scrubbed his eyes. Thinking about the situation he had gotten everyone in made him hate himself more. However, he still had a shred of dignity left. No way he was crying infront of this douchebag.   
  
Instead, Dave pulled Karkat into a hug. It was awkward at first, but eventually the shorter gave into the hug. "Shh, shh. Walk me through the plan, okay? Then we can figure out what went wrong." He released Karkat from the hug, much to his disappointment. They sat down at the dinner table, where they both were able to see a passed out Nepeta covered in bandages.  
  
"She'll live." Dirk sighed, plopping down in a chair across from Karkat. "It's a wonder she wasn't hit. Who shot at her?"  
  
"Captor." Karkat accepted the water Dave brought him.  
  
"Are you sure he didn't recognize her? Maybe thats why he missed."  
  
"No, no way." Karkat rolled his eyes. "Nepeta's mom got us off the map. No school records, no tickets, nothing. According the the system, we don't fucking exist."  
  
"Gamzee won't rat you out?" Dave shot his brother a glare.  
  
"What? Fuck no. He may be a fucking stoner but he's one of the few people I would trust with my life." Karkat growled. Dirk threw his hands up in defense. "Do you assholes want to hear the plan or not?"  
  
Both brothers nodded. He gave a glance towards Nepeta on the couch. She looked peaceful, which means Dirk probably drugged her. He would yell at him for that later. But right now, she wasn't in pain. "Okay," he sighed.

"Three weeks ago, I was looking for a big score. Me and Gamzee both had things we needed to pay, and none of it was fucking cheap. I found a warehouse that stored computer parts. It had a pretty simple floor plan, and it should have been a pretty easy payout.  
  
"Me and Gamzee would wait out front in the getaway car." He pointed his thumb to Nepeta. "There was a vent outside of the building that lead inside. Nepeta would unscrew the vent, crawl in, and drop down inside.  
  
"The warehouse hadn't much security. There were two guards outside, but they were subdued beforehand. They ordered donuts, go figure, and Gamzee managed to get his hands on them. He spiked them, and that was that. On the inside, there were probably locks. We would send her in with a lock pick, get the shit, and get out."  
  
"Okay," Dave furrowed his eyebrows. "That was what was _supposed_ to happen."  
  
"Yeah." Karkat rubbed his temples. "We were supposed to be in and out in half an hour. Gamzee had put weaker shit in the dounuts and Nepeta said there were three padlocks. So, there was ten minutes gone. When we finally got in there,  there were boxes and crates everywhere it took us a while to find actual parts.  
  
"Somehow, the cops were tipped off. Officer Sniffsalot and Beefucker got there. Long story short, Gamzee was caught, Sollux almost shot Nepeta, and we got the fuck outta there."  
  
He gulped down the water. Dirk and Dave exchanged glances. "That's, uh, not what the hot news anchor said." Dave rubbed the back of his neck.  
  
"You trust the hot news anchor over me?" Karkat rolled his eyes. "Tell me what that fake blonde said."  
  
Dirk chuckled. "She said the tip was given anonymously. They also have names for you three now. I'm kind of jealous."  
  
"They call Gamzee the 'Bard'." Dave scratched his chin. "Neppy's the 'Rogue'. She steals shit from rich fatasses and gives to poor kids, right? Like Robin Hood."  
  
"What do they call me?"  
  
"The Knight."  
  
Karkat choked on his drink. The others made complete sense; Gamzee was a clown, and Nepeta did act rogueish. However he expected something like "White Death" because of his hair or "Mastermind" because of his plans. 'The Knight' made him sound like a good person. "That's not even fitting." He muttered.  
  
"Well, think about it." Dirk tried. "You usually try to give yourself up before you friends. Maybe it's some self-sacrification-" Karkat was sure that wasn't a word. "-bullshit, but I think it fits."  
  
Karkat waved it away. "Yeah, yeah." While he was a bit touched that the city had given them names, there were other more important matters to discuss. "How long until she's okay?"  
  
"If you treat it right, it should be completely healed in a month. If you use the stuff we give you, two weeks." Dirk stood up and walked to the fridge. "It's top grade herbal shit, straight from the jungle itself." He grabbed three non-alcoholic beers, tossing one to Dave and Karkat.  
  
"What, none furr me?" All heads whipped around to see Nepeta, a pillow under her head. Her eyes were half open and she yawned weakly. "I'm the one who's hurt here."  
  
"Nope, you're still underage, kiddo." Dave cracked open his beer. "How're you feeling?"  
  
"I'm feline purretty good, actually." She poked the bandages. "Though whatefur you put on her is tingly and fucking gross."  
  
"Hearing you curse is so wrong."  
  
"Dave, I'm twenty."  
  
"That tingly and fucking gross stuff came from Jake. It helps wounds heal faster. He sells that shit to the big Mak." Dirk tossed her his unopened bottle and went to grab another for himself.  
  
Karkat angrily popped the cap off his drink. The 'big Mak', know as 'El Diablo' or 'Grand Highblood', still made his skin crawl. It had been bad when he had been across the border, but rumors were that he had moved across the Canadian border and now had workers in Mexico, Canada, and the US. He was big, powerful, and demanding.  
  
They stayed up for a bit longer, chatting mindlessly until they headed off for bed. Bro had returned sometime in the night, carring Karkat's bag, empty. "Finder's fee," he shrugged, and Karkat would have been mad if he wasn't so damn tired. For the few days Karkat spent there, he slept on the floor next to Nepeta, who was still on the couch. She was asleep most of the time, but seemed to be healing quicker than normal.  
  
"It's fuckin' weird, I'll admit." Dave took a swig of the beer he had in his hand. It had alcohol in it, unlike the stuff Dirk and Bro drank. "Jake's out there growing all kinds of shit. Selling it to Makara. Sometimes he hooks up Dirk with useful shit."  
  
"Speaking of that," Karkat looked at the sunset. He and Dave had gone up to the roof to watch it, because Karkat being inside all day wasn't healthy, according to Bro. "Why is it you and the rest of your family aren't crackheads?"  
  
Dave shrugged. "Doesn't appeal to us. Gets the bills paid." A silence fell over the two. "Did you hear Makara is in Canada now?"  
  
"Yeah." Karkat sighed. "I don't know how hard our shitty government is looking for him, but they're doing a terrible fucking job."  
  
All he knew was that Makara worked for someone. He was a very, very powerful druglord, but rumors are he's involved with all the deaths of lower-class Alternian citizens. "I don't know how Dirk can stay with Jake. He's giving really bad shit to Makara."  
  
"Coming from the drug dealer?" Karkat rolled his eyes. Dave choked on the alcohol in a very un-Striderly way.  
  
"Fuck you." He hissed. "Why do you think we only sell small does of bad shit? Or why we mostly profit off of weed? We don't kill people. Makara does." Karkat threw his hands up in defense. "I heard Jake found some fungus. He sent a sample to one of Makara's henchmen in Louisiana then torched the place he found it. Anytime that treehugger has to burn down half the fucking forest means it's bad."  
  
"There you two are." Dirk was standing near the door to the roof. "I was looking for you two. Mind if I join you?"  
  
Anything else about Jake or Makara wasn't discussed further. Karkat was glad, though, because he could see Dave's white knuckle grip on the bottle he was holding. It was a miracle it didn't break.  
  
Karkat, however, could feel bile rising in his throat at the though of what kind of drugs Makara had in his hands. He couldn't let Gamzee find out - the last time he heard his dad's name he up and left the room.  
  
Gamzee.  
   
Fuck.


End file.
